Thursday, July 06, 2006

"when you look at me
you see my purpose,
see my pride
you think i just saddle up my anger
and ride and ride and ride
you think i stand so firm
you think i sit so high on my trusty steed
let me tell you
i'm usually face down on the ground
when there's a stampede

i'm no heroine
at least, not last time i checked
i'm too easy to roll over
i'm too easy to wreck
i just write about
what i should have done
i just sing
what i wish i could say"
.ani

"losing my love of adventure
losing all respect for me and myself tonight
i wonder what happens
if i get to
the end of this tunnel
and there isn't a light
i've worn down the treads
on all of my tires
i've worn through the elbows
and the knees of my clothing
and i'm staring down the gravel
driveway of desire trying not to
wake up my sleeping self loathing

do you ever have that dream
when you open your mouth
and you try to scream
but you can't make a sound
that's everyday starting now"
.ani

man i could go on and on with ani quotes right now...

ive been trying to prove that i'm strong and always happy and social and confident..basically the kind of person people like to be around. the longer i drag it the more effort it takes... after awhile all my energy has been spent and im stuck with just myself.. burnt out boring me and i just want to hide behind something but theres nothing left. now i realize how small i really am and its terrifying. i could curl into a ball in a corner and no one would notice i'm gone... and i'd almost rather it that way.

whats sad is that i try to make situations happy and i'll drink in hopes that its something to hide behind and when i'm not content with how the night's going.. in my drunk stupor i blame it on those around me and get really frustrated with them when its clearly no ones fault but mine.

sorry.

Bianca
4:25 PM