Friday, June 17, 2005

I'm feeling myself slowly losing it. Slowly losing sight of myself. Slowly caring less and less. I want out of here. westport blows. Here I am complaining about living in a really nice town.. by the beach.. just a nice area.. the only thing that saves me is the water and my drives to and from it with my music blasting.. I can't really connect with anyone here.. not as much as before. Things are so different from how they used to be. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's easier to blame things on the town. It's not the TOWN that sucks.. really.. I keep trying to figure out if i've changed at all and if i did.. is it in a good way? if it's me, now placing myself [and a year away from it all] up against this town and how everything used to be. Change can be scary.. especially when you don't know if it was for the better or not. Maybe i'm just realizing how crappy i am. mmm self realization.. fun.. There's nothing worse than taking steps backwards.. i'm worried i'm just a worse version of how i used to be.. more boring, selfish, lazy.. *shrug* I need to step out of it [well, SNAP out.. really] and see things in its true perspective..

Another road trip? anyone? yes? no? alright.. we can even swim to europe if you;d like.. though that's not much of a ROAD trip.. we can make due. I need to see what's out there.. fairfield county is actually quite the bubble.

Alix and I were talking about road tripping for 4th of july weekend.. i'd go to rockport with him, maybe stop by in scituate. then go up to new hampshire and maine again.

"who's gonna give a shit
who's gonna take the call
when you find out that the road ahead
is painted on a wall
and you're turned up to top volume
and you're just sitting there in pause
with your feral little secret
scratching at you with its claws
and you're trying hard to figure out
just exactly how you feel
before you end up parked and sobbing
forehead on the steering wheel

who are you now
and who were you then
that you thought somehow
you could just pretend
that you could figure it all out
the mathematics of regret
so it takes two beers to remember now
and five to forget
that i loved you so
yeah, i loved you, so what

how many times undone
can one person be
as they're careening through the facade
of their favorite fantasy
you just close your eyes slowly
like you're waiting for a kiss
and hope some lowly little power
will pull you out of this
but none comes at first
and little comes at all
and when inspiration finally hits you
it barely even breaks your fall

who were you then
and who are you
now that you can't pretend
that you can figure it all out
subtract out the impact
and the fall is all you get
so it takes two beers to remember now
and three more to forget"
.aniD

you are my saviour.

Bianca
11:10 PM