Last night was...not as planned.. During work Cliff [Ani works with me, and he is one of her best friends] came in saying that he was having a huge party because it was his 21st birthday... and naturally... you can completely smashed beyond belief on that day. Sooo... he invited me to join him for the festivities. I called James and asked him to come with me and he seemed down for it. Shortly after, James came and visited me while Cliff was still there so I introduced the two and I kinda got this vibe that James didn't like Cliff
After work We BBQ-ed at Sally's which was fun. Getting to see everyone again was so great. We watched KillBill and then I got a call from cliff asking me to go. I really wanted to... seemed it would be fun. Call it womens intuition or call it a complete misunderstanding on my part, but I had the feeling that it would be awkward for James around cliff?
So after the movie... we were on our way to the merrit and he kept asking me why I wanted to go to this party... we were at the intersection between the merrit and his house and I told him to just turn to his house and to forget the party. By this point the silence got to us both and we were just frustrated with eachother. I felt that he didnt want to go at all.. and that he was just going because I wanted to... that bothered me. I'd rather him tell me if he did not want to. He felt that I didnt want to go because of him. So we sat in silence in his room for about 10 minutes [?] In awkward silence until I started talking and we got it resolved.
Talking it out always makes things better, but for some reason it takes me that extra push to get my thoughts out. With James, keeping my mouth shut and pretending that nothings wrong doesn't fly... he somehow ALWAYS knows when something is wrong. He can always tell... before I say anything.
After we talked, he fell asleep. I lay next to him completely awake. I just studied his face... all the features that make him James. I haven't drawn in a long time, and have been wanting to get back into it since the beginning of the semester... so I sat and drew him until 1:something. It made me feel so much better. cant explain. I'm going to do that again sometime. hopefully soon.
bye.
Bianca
7:20 PM